Summer is winding down, and kids across America are gearing up for the return to school. This can bring some challenges and anxiety for both the kids and the parents, and these feelings can be magnified if your child has needs that are not typical. Parents of children with sensory, learning, and attention exceptionalities often have to navigate a new school year with new teachers, different physical spaces, and most likely a new mix of classmates within a classroom. Many children who come from places of trauma and loss need their parents (biological, adoptive, and/or foster parents) to help them with this transition and continue to advocate for them as the school year progresses. Here are some proactive and reactive steps parents can take to support your child.
I couldn’t help but smile as the fourth grader who I had been mentoring for several months exclaimed those words when I showed up at his classroom to pick him up. He was so excited to see me. I admittedly had been having a busy day, and I wasn’t as excited about the prospects of carving out a couple hours in a local elementary school. But, I committed to showing up every week as a mentor no matter what. So, that’s what I did. I just showed up.
I had a wonderful childhood.
I really did. I was raised in a very safe suburban environment with a stable family, good schools, big houses that gained value over time, plentiful food, and lots of churches to choose from. We had a high employment rate with living wages, nice places to shop, and a stable local governance. Most of the children who grew up in the upwardly mobile, homogenous neighborhood with me were expected to go on to college and become the next great contributors to our society. I was surrounded by people who looked like me and thought like me. There weren’t many problems to speak of. There just wasn’t a whole lot of diversity, ethnicity or socioeconomic status where I grew up. Continue reading “How Does Mentoring Transform the Lives of Volunteer Mentors?”
Over 600 completely average people joined us for Imagine last weekend. We joined together because we believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ is that He came to seek and to save sinners just like us. We also believe that the whole of the Gospel is much more radical: it invites us to live as a disciple of the One who fed the hungry, clothed the naked, welcomed children, and spent time with those society deemed unworthy and outcasts.
This past weekend, over 600 ordinary followers of Jesus joined together to learn how to better seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God (Micah 6:8). We recognized the fears that often paralyze us, and we leaned into the truths from Scripture: that the same way our Savior walked right into the “Samarias” of His world, we are called to the “Samarias” of ours…the places others would rather avoid: the streets, the group home, the orphanage, the prison, the abortion clinic, the rehab center, and the strip club. He walked in, bent down, and looked people right in the eye because relationships transform. He not only calls us to follow Him, but equips us as we do.
“Imagine made me realize that my fear of stepping out is normal, and reminded me that God can use anyone.”
“Some moments my heart was breaking and at the same time my fears are lessening. Opening my mind to what it means to truly love others as God loves us!”
“It gave me further conviction to open up to more possibilities that previously scared me.”
Throughout the weekend together we considered the idea of “What’s my one?” Our God is an intentional God seeking out the one lost sheep, the one lost coin, and the prodigal son (Luke 15). He has designed and equipped each of us with a different, yet complementary role to play in living out the Gospel (Romans 12:3-6). As each attendee prayerfully considers, “What’s my one?”, together we are able to make an impact in our world.
Here are just a few of the “ones” God led attendees to:
- Foster Dad
- Short-term missions
- Refugees learning English
- Sex Trafficking
- Strengthening a culture of life in our churches
- China special needs adoption
- Foster mom advocate
- Encouraging adoptive families
Our prayer is that each person to whom the Lord spoke one thing would respond with prompt obedience to this call. Imagine what would happen if followers of Jesus took a stand for the hungry, the hurting and the fatherless. Let us bring that to life each and every day of the coming year!
Our deepest appreciation to each speaker, exhibitor and to the team of volunteers who planned and executed this event. Our time together was encouraging, refreshing, and equipping. We look forward to seeing you at Imagine 2018.
We’d love to hear your story of how God is using you, a completely ordinary person to live out His extraordinary calling to love.
Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
For encouragement and practical help living out this calling year round, be sure to subscribe to our blog.
I heard about the Open Table model a few years ago through the OrphanCare ministry of North Way Christian Community.
It’s a national model for providing small group support to a Brother or Sister functioning without a network or resources to move forward. I saw it as an opportunity to mentor someone but with other adult support… meaning all the responsibility wasn’t solely mine!
“Igniting human potential is simple: Relationship.”
Our Table of 6 adults met weekly for 1 year with our Sister, a 19 year old woman who had been on her own for several years. Our Sister set the goals for what she wanted to achieve in our time together and then as a Table we worked with her to help her achieve those. Relationships grew out of our meetings and we became a family. We shared meals, birthdays, shopping trips, prayer requests, countless text messages and so much more.
Was it all perfect? No…but what family is!?
While our official time to meet as a Table has ended, our relationships have not.
“95% of Table participants have long term relationships with one or more of their former Table members.”
I couldn’t be more proud of our Sister and all she’s accomplished. She is so smart and one of the hardest working people I’ve ever met. She’s been through so much and yet she remains positive and loves to encourage others. I feel privileged to have been a part of her journey and can’t wait to see all that the Lord has in store for her.
Debi Coglianese, Wexford Campus Manager of North Way Christian Community and Open Table Volunteer
“Open Table’s faith-based model draws together the community and relationship life of congregations around the country. It provides technical support, training, structure, process.
Each Table is composed of a group of volunteers that make a year-long commitment to act–through relationship—as a team of life specialists, encouragers, and advocates. Over the course of a year, the Table works together to set goals, foster accountability, and implement a plan to create change.”
My heart filled up with pride when the name of my 18 year old mentee was called and he slowly strutted across the platform at his high school graduation.
Memories of the eight years that we had spent together came rushing to mind, including all of the deep valleys and soaring mountaintop experiences that marked our relationship. There were plenty of times when I didn’t think that he was going to make it. And, yet, here he was, an official high school graduate.
To many people, graduating from high school might not seem like that big of a deal. It’s just high school, right? But it is a big deal to graduate high school from a large urban school district where some studies show that as many as 50% of African-American males drop out before graduation.
My friend had overcome tremendous barriers in his life to make it this far.
Many of the young men growing up in his marginalized urban neighborhood had already been incarcerated, injured, or even killed by gun violence by the time that my mentee reached his eighteenth birthday. Many more young people had experienced the pains of abuse, homelessness, and addiction throughout the course of their childhood.
So, how did my young friend manage to make it? How did he persevere against all odds?
You could say that he got lucky, but that wouldn’t be true. You could say that he is just an exceptional person. Well, I guess that is true. He is an exceptional person. But he is an exceptional person who overcame tremendous challenges to graduate from high school. When I first met him in fifth grade, he was already forming and leading a gang that was essentially taking over the entire fifth grade… and not in a good way. The group that he was leading was disrupting classes, causing fights, bullying, stealing, and wreaking havoc wherever they could. And, they were influencing others to participate.
Some school staff members recommended this child-with so many misguided leadership qualities-to join a youth mentoring program that I was involved in starting at his school. I recruited volunteer mentors from my church and matched them up in long-term mentoring relationships with kids at the school. At first the young man was resistant to the idea of joining the mentoring program. He didn’t know who these adults were. He also knew that there were other kids from his school in the mentoring program that he was supposed to hate.
Generational violence and rivalries from the streets of his neighborhood had already made an impression. He thought that he couldn’t be in a mentoring program with kids that he was supposed to be in conflict with.
Things did not start well. Initially, he would not show up for his mentoring times. When he did show up, he would constantly be in conflict with the other kids that were there. His aggressive behavior and poor academic performance at school got worse before it got better. The mentors had to take turns dropping him off after the mentoring program because it would usually take at least an hour to find a place where he actually lived with an adult that would agree to let him in the house. We found out that he was basically homeless, bouncing around between relatives and friends.
During that first year, though, something pretty amazing happened. The more he pushed against the mentors, the more unconditional love and patience the mentors showed toward him. He started to really enjoy spending time with his mentors, and the mentors kept showing up consistently and investing in him. He even started to develop friendships with the other kids in the mentoring program, though he had previously been at odds with them. These new friendships were starting to turn the tide of the culture of the fifth grade at the school. And this young man was leading the way.
Instead of causing trouble, he started to redirect his leadership toward uniting his peers and being more respectful toward school staff members, who welcomed the changes that they were seeing.
Year after year the mentors continued to invest deeply in the life of this mentee. And year after year he continued to demonstrate resilience and courage in the face of the obstacles that he faced in growing up. He faced so many barriers…homelessness, abuse, crime, gang recruitment, gun violence, drugs, and more. Still, the more that life threw at him, the more he became determined to overcome obstacles. If he saw other kids who were struggling, he would reach out to them and encourage them. He was on a mission. He was going to make it.
He made his share of mistakes, which led to some of the difficult valleys that we went through. But, he made plenty of good choices leading to some of the mountaintop experiences that we shared together. His march toward high school graduation was nothing short of heroic.
He became an unstoppable force for good, and he focused his energy on becoming a leader at his school and in his neighborhood.
Mentoring clearly had made a difference in his life, but what was it about the mentoring relationships that made such an impact on him? What is it about long-term youth mentoring relationships that yield so many positive outcomes? Well, that is hard to quantify. Some researchers and experts who study mentoring programs in the United States call it the magic of mentoring. We can see the demonstrable positive outcomes of mentoring, but it’s hard to track down just why the excellent results are occurring.
Simply put, long-term, authentic mentoring relationships have the power to build up assets in vulnerable children.
Over time, these assets lead young people to be able to overcome the many storms of life, and even thrive in many cases. Sometimes all it takes is some adults to intentionally invest in their lives. Over the course of time the magic of mentoring takes root. Mentors don’t fix kids, or try to solve their problems.
Through relationships, mentors build up the assets that are already present in the lives of young people.
Mentors are dream builders and vision casters. Mentors are committed to stick with the kids through thick and thin. Mentors are asset builders and encouragers. Mentors are there when there may be nobody else. The best mentors know that they are called to continue to show up, over and over again, and they know that they are there to serve.
The magic of mentoring is not in the mentors, though. It’s in the kids. The kids already have what it takes. Sometimes they just need a little support to realize their full potential.
Interested in learning more about building into the lives of vulnerable youth? Register now for the Imagine Conference and find out how you can live out your calling to love as a mentor.
Dr. Bryan McCabe, Pastor of Transformational Urban Leadership, North Way Christian Community
“I seriously don’t know what I would have done without you in my life, Mr. B. I don’t know if I would have made it.”
These words hit me in a profound way as I sat across the table from my young friend (now in his twenties) and he shared with me the impact that our mentoring relationship had on his life.
“Often times when I’m making a big decision in life, I’ll think about you and what you would say about what I’m thinking about doing. It’s crazy. I remember all of those conversations over the years.”
Okay, he was laying it on pretty thick. But, even if I only had a fraction of the impact on his life that he described, I would take it. The fact is, I really enjoyed mentoring him. I think my life was blessed and transformed much more than his was. We spent nearly a decade building an intentional friendship through the Learning and Mentoring Partnership, or LAMP, program in Pittsburgh where we had been matched together through a church and school partnership. Over those years we had the opportunity to do all kinds of fun things together, and lots of ordinary things too. I had the privilege of seeing him graduate from high school, against all odds, and he has really gone on to do some pretty amazing things with his life considering the many challenges that he faced as a child.
Our mentoring relationship clearly had many positive outcomes for both of us. Throughout the United States, youth mentoring relationships are showing outstanding results in the lives of vulnerable kids. But, what is mentoring? How does it really work? Mentoring, in many ways, is very simple. Mentoring is an intentionally established, meaningful relationship that is built between an adult and a child over the course of months and, hopefully, years. The best mentoring relationships last for a long time, often well into adulthood. There are many different types of mentoring relationships, including informal, formal, group, one-to-one, school-based, site-based, family-to-one, community-based, and more.
Adult volunteers almost always go into the mentoring relationships thinking that they are going to make a difference in the life of a child who could use a little bit of extra support in life, and, almost always, the adult ends up getting much more out of the relationships. Sometimes it takes some time for the fruit of mentoring to show itself in the lives of the kids being mentored, but almost always the kids show signs of academic, social, emotional, and spiritual growth as a direct result of the mentoring relationships.
Regardless of the type of mentoring, it is important that mentors demonstrate consistency and perseverance in continuing to invest in the lives of mentees. And it is important to have high standards for the mentoring relationships, especially in formal mentoring programs. Mentors should be screened, trained, and supported well throughout every part of the mentoring relationship cycle. Under the right circumstances the relationships turn into life-long friendships. That’s what happened to me with the young man that I mentioned earlier, and that’s what is happening throughout the youth mentoring movement that is growing across the country. Mentors of all kinds are impacting the lives of marginalized youth.
There are millions of children throughout the United States who are waiting for a mentor, though. Organizations, such as churches, can serve as an excellent pool of volunteer mentors to help to ensure that all kids growing up in America who are in need of mentors can get matched up with a caring adult. Most mentoring matches take place once a week for between one and four hours at a time, and the mentoring activities don’t need to be anything glamorous. All that adults need to do is take the time to intentionally invest in a young person. It’s as simple as that. Churches, in particular, are stepping up to get involved in mentoring in cities and other regions around the country. The mentoring movement is growing and now is a great time to join!
Come to the Imagine Conference to learn more and get involved!
Dr. Bryan McCabe, Pastor of Transformational Urban Leadership, North Way Christian Community